I have tried hard to inject myself within the sisterhood of all women over the last thirty years. I have done this by trying to communicate with my sisters around the world, online and off. I come to their aid whenever possible. I listen. However, I hate to report that I have not been as successful in communicating with my sister as I would Like.
Here in my home town of Houston Texas, I try and communicate with my African born sisters. They treat me like I have a disease, and when I do business with them, they talk about me, thinking that I don’t understand what they are saying.
My brown American born sisters are so busy hating on each other; they don’t bother to communicate anything else. They are very competitive for men, many of which take their money, impregnate and/or beat them and leave.
When I crosses the culture lines to make friends with my white sisters, I am always the token brown in any white group, and many of them points this out for one reason or another. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling, so I am always trying to be comical to hide being uncomfortable. Eventually I just quietly leave, knowing I was not welcome to begin with.
My Asian sisters that I do business with, does the same as my African born sisters. They take my money and talk about me in their language. The reason I know they do this is that, on many occasions I have gotten so tired of them speaking as if I didn’t exist, I took a tape recorder and recorded their conversation and paid to have it interpreted. It shocked me how mean they can be while braiding my hair or manicure my nails.
On two occasions I went back and read to them what they had said while I was paying them to service me. Both called me an American nigger, that didn’t have brains enough to go into business for myself. They went on and on about how stupid America women are. My African born sisters even brag about how they purposely braid our hair so tight it comes out of our scalp, and they make us pay for their services in advance so we will not complain or get up to leave. Needless to say, I stop doing business with them. I wear my hair natural, and do my own pedicures and manicures.
What I am saying is, it seems to me, as women we have missed the boat. We do not work as a team to resolve issues, local or global. We are always fighting each other over some little perceived infractions. We do not communicate in open and honest dialogue. As we age, we have become so bitter that we don’t pass out knowledge on to the young women.
I created a sisterhood web site and it’s hard for me to get sisters to participate. When Nasra asked me to be a part of this group, I hesitated, but only for a moment. In spite of our differences, I believe there is a sisterhood of wonderful women out here, and eventually, I am going to find them. In the mean time, I will keep all my doors opened --- and can assure you that I will communicate in open and honest dialogue.
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Hi,Amias. Please consider this an invitation for you to visit my website that I created to help bring women together to network their businesses with one another. We are called Divas On The Prowl. Our website address is http://www.divasontheprowl.com
Take care.
DaDiva/CEO/Founder
beautiful post!!!!
As with all people, men or women, there are some who absolutely love me and others who don't. When I encounter other people of color, especially women of color and can't make a connection, I give it some thought. I realize that just because we consider ourselves to be in the same cultural group, that does not mean we have the same kind of backgrounds, experiences or insights. Sometimes we have different communication styles without realizing it.
For example, there are many of us who use the expression, "women of color" but not the expression "colored women" which has a different meaning relating to alleged Black inferiority and was used in the past but has been largely abandoned in recent decades.
Meeting people in urban and rural areas also have their challenges and can be difficult, depending on the background of those moving into a new area.
I have found it helpful to read bulletin boards and to attend events of many kinds and to look for organizations whose missions and goals interest me. I fit in well with those with whom I share interests.
It is not a fact that any group of women are all hating each other or not communicating with each other. That's a pretty broad generalization. There may be people in any group who dislike each other, but there are always others too. Before making sweeping generalizations about any group, our own or another, it's a good idea to do so research into the facts. Any person can have a bad experience but it's important not to assume that everyone is having the same experience.
One of the great things about the recently completed human genome project is that it documents that everyone is of African descent. Thus, there is only one race. So Black, White or Brown, everyone is an African. There are, however, differences in cultures and traditions.
There are plenty of negative people in the world. I don't think we have to allow them to comment on or interfere in our lives. We have a choice. I don't have to listen to anyone's negative judgment of my behavior and I don't. If someone persists in directing negative behavior, I can leave so I don't have to hear it--taking away their power over me. Nor do I have to spend my time trying to change or fix anyone or in being resentful and angry because they do something I don't like. Anger and resentment only harm the person who has them.
If everyone I associate with seems not to like me, no matter what their background or association, I might consider doing some reading about cross-cultural communication, developing friendships, toxic people, barriers to communication, resentment and anger, and other related topics. Maybe I am communicating something negative without meaning to. Maybe I am suspicious and untrusting of people and they feel that and develop their own resentments.
Tape recording people without their permission is not a good way to develop relationships. Having something translated does not assure that the translator is accurate. Assuming that I am the primary focus of attention frequently or that casual remarks about me by others can only be hostile and hateful is probably an error. Even if accurate, this can reflect feelings of insecurity and lack of knowledge of how to develop relationships with people of other cultures by those engaging in this behavior.
Engaging in confrontational behavior will result in confrontations. It's a lose-lose outcome and a waste of time.
There is good news. The majority of women of color do see each other as sisters. I have been working on this for 40 years and there are many, many groups you can find locally, regionally, nationally and internationally. Work on a cause that's meaningful to you and you will find women with whom you have much in common. Ask for suggestions from the women to whom you are connected through this site. Read books on all kinds of women, all kinds of people. Ask for suggestions on this too.
There is another kind of experience to be had but, like everything of value, it takes effort to have it. I have met many great women, and men too, through groups I joined to be of some service to a community. And, thanks to the Internet, I have hundreds,if not thousands of sisterfriends around the world. Are there any people anywhere who don't like me? Perhaps, but what does it matter? I don't require their approval to be happy. I am thankful for those with whom I have positive relationships and for all that we accomplish.
SIS Suzanne ..That was great insigt
Thanks Suzanne .. this was good to read, and very insightful. Of course you are right.
There are times, especially these days when I meet so many negative sisters that I tend to generalized without even thinking .. it's a bad habit and I will deal with it.
On a more up note, your communication is very profound and thought provoking.
Dear Divas .. I been to your site, but it seems that one has to pay to become a member,or am I reading it wrong? I did enjoy reading about the Divas, as I am familiar with a couple of them.
Kreativemix happy to communicate with ya!
Hi, Amias:
I believe your question is addressed to me. There is no charge to be a member of Divas On The Prowl. We have a special section called Meet The Divas where we post a profile of a particular Diva. The only requirement we ask for in return of this FREE service is that the Diva post one of our banners on her website where others can see it. That's it. We do, however, charge a very minimal fee for making custom banners and to advertise on our website. We have to do that in order to stay ahead of the bandwidth fee. I hope this clears up your thoughts. Thanks for visiting us. And, if you feel that you would like to become one of our Divas, just come back and fill out the form.
Hi Amias
You blew me away with this !
Its so true we women are at fault,we dont work as a team.
I' m from India and sometimes I have felt like the "token brown friend" in some groups of white women!
Thanks Frasypoo -- I can say without a doubt I know how you feel. I
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